Writer Beware’s Swag Shop for Discerning Scammers

Posted by Victoria Strauss for Writer Beware

As many of you know, Writer Beware is a 100% volunteer endeavor. We do receive support from our sponsor, the Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America, and also from the Mystery Writers of America–but our finances are pretty tight.

Unfortunately, fundraising poses a problem for us. In order to avoid any possible conflict of interest, we can’t accept remuneration for our services. We don’t even take donations. And of course, we’re absolutely committed to never charging a penny to the writers who contact us for information and advice.

So what’s a watchdog to do? For some time we’ve been racking our brains to come up with fundraising ideas that don’t conflict with our mission. What group of people can we bamboozle…er, persuade to give us money, and still feel good about ourselves?

And then it hit us: scammers. They bilk you–why shouldn’t we bilk them? Plus, it’s really an untapped market. Like any group of entrepreneurs, scammers are proud of their achievements–but the nature of their business makes open boasting problematic. Our nifty new range of products allows for private gloating, while being subtle enough to be used in public.

Introducing Writer Beware’s Swag Shop for Discerning Scammers. Choose from these exciting options:

The “Really, You Thought I Submitted that??” T-shirt. We know you never send out the manuscripts your clients pay you to represent–but they don’t. Commemorate this important facet of your business with our stylish, 100% cotton T-shirt in Small, Medium, or Large–or just say “Scammer-size me!” and we’ll bump you up to Extra-Large. For men and women…because scamming is an equal opportunity profession. Only $15.99.

The “Your Money…My Vacation” coffee mug. Each time you use this handsome china coffee mug, you’ll be reminded of your mission. At $10.99, you can’t beat that.

The “We DO Fool Them All The Time” tote bag. It’s the secret of your success, right? With our sturdy canvas tote bag, you can keep the secret and tell the world, all at the same time. You’ll know who the fools are–but no one else will. Right-priced at $12.99.

The “Writer Is Just Another Word For Loser” mouse pad. Come on, you know you think it. You may even say it out loud sometimes to your staff (if you have staff, that is; we know that plenty of you are just manipulating a web of aliases). A bargain at $10.99, our useful mouse pad lets you affirm this uplifting truth on a daily basis, while keeping it absolutely discreet.

And coming soon…the Writer Beware calendar. You’ve never seen Writer Beware like this. Current and former staff members bare it all, with books and manuscripts placed in strategic locations.

Want to facilitate your agenda? Buy a month! Pick the staff member you prefer! They’ll give your books the chance they deserve, with provocative displays and high-quality, full-color images. We’ll be distributing our calendar from sea to shining sea, so don’t miss this sterling promotional opportunity. Best of all: you can pass the expense on to your clients.

Note: the Swag Shop is open only to scammers who publish in America. For obvious reasons, we’ll need to verify your bona fides before filling your order, so be ready to provide us with documentation of your fees, falsehoods, or other fakery.

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